Many people with NVLD face a unique challenge in romantic relationships: how to manage their sensory sensitivity. It is documented that some individuals with NVLD may have either an acute or blunted sense of hearing, taste, smell, or touch (Schatz, 2013). The senses can play a role in all stages of romance, from choosing a venue for a first date to deciding on when and how to touch for the first time. For someone with sensory sensitivity, these aspects of dating may be especially anxiety producing; it may also be more difficult for these individuals to develop a deeper level of physical intimacy as a relationship progresses.
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Being told you have NVLD often brings many concerns for your family, as you fear the worst. One of the ways these fears can be minimized is to connect with a family who also has a child with a disability. It may be from a personal connection or joining a support group. It doesn’t need to be NVLD, as each disability, while different, is also very similar as each disability brings daily challenges.
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Dating with NVLD (and its comorbidities) has been difficult for me. I’ve had many failed relationships, and though I’ve had these failures, I still believe someone is out there for me. This is a letter to my future partner about me and my NVLD and how I should be treated.
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I was diagnosed with NVLD at the age of five. My parents noticed a delay when I was extremely speech delayed in speech and when I got to kindergarten, it was evident that something was awry. My kindergarten teacher noted that when everyone was cleaning up after free play, I would just keep on playing and I was extremely oblivious to all my surroundings. My parents then took me in for educational testing and it was then determined that I have NVLD. I was on an IEP until 7th grade when I switched from public to private school. I was consistently bullied for being a “SPED kid” and so my parents moved me to a private school.
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My daughter, Anna, 10, was diagnosed with NLD last year. I had a normal pregnancy and normal delivery. During Anna’s first 4 years of life, she was rather quiet and clingy. I took advantage of the situation and held her all the time, she was like an extension of my own body. She was happy as long as she was with me. She did not enjoy people’s compliments and signs of affection much. She was content ONLY in my presence and when close to me physically.
She took rather long time to start talking in full sentences. She also took a little longer to start walking. Or, in retrospect, it took her longer to venture far from her comfort zones (home, me). She could walk and run and be happy, but rather at home and in my presence.
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“Keep close to Nature’s heart… and break clear away, once in a while, and climb a mountain or
spend a week in the woods. Wash your spirit clean.”
-John Muir
Author, outdoorsman, and environmental philosopher John Muir is one of my heroes. In particular, this quote of his embodies how I seek to live my life.
My whole life, I have always found comfort in nature. I travel to rural environments every chance I get. Many people who know me know that I climb trees for fun! Ultimately, I don’t know where I would be without the comfort of the natural world.
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Again, the issue of suicide has popped up again on the media radar. Both Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain have managed to bring it to everyone’s plate and now we get to watch as social media spins out its version of “thoughts and prayers” in the form of “reach out.” Don’t get me wrong, it’s good advice. Completely useless to someone who is currently flirting with killing themselves, but good advice. What happens, though when you add Nonverbal Learning Disorder to the mix? Are we NLD Superheroes more susceptible to suicide as someone once suggested to me? To be honest, I don’t know. All I can talk about is my own experience with suicide and suicidal ideation.
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Throughout my life, I have a done a lot of things that were extremely difficult, though the one that had the most impact on me was running cross-country. The reason being, it was the first time in years that the adult in charge really understood me. Jim Adams, who was my coach, like my parents, raised exceptional children on both sides of the spectrum, so he had a deep understanding of the obstacles I faced on a daily basis and was able to see I had a number of strengths too. Honestly there was never a guarantee that I was going to be able to finish the race due to all the challenges I faced having NVLD, however, he always gave me the same advice, which was to not focus on how far away the other runners were, just to focus on doing my best, as that is the only thing that matters. I knew if a challenge occurred there was hope that the next run would go my way because he always offered such great advice and knew me so well personally. I wished things were different for me but he made sure I was staying true to myself and never gave up.
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Getting a job is one of the most exciting things that can happen to anyone but finding the ideal job especially when you have a learning disability such as NLD can sometimes seem daunting. Through my personal experience I have found that it has been difficult to find work that suits my abilities and meets my employment needs. Hopefully the advice I have found can help you find a job with colleagues and leaders who understand your little quirks and will take the time to help you work through any difficult situations you may encounter.
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I remember starting school having no idea what was different about me along with being highly confused by the different services I received, as my friends were not going with me. As each elementary year passed, I started to have an idea about what was different about me. Later on things started to become even more confusing as social and academic demands were much higher. Socially, like all teenagers, my friends started to change, though with my disability I could not understand the rules of the game of adolescence. By that point, visual learning took place so it was clear I was starting to fall through the cracks. It seemed every day a teacher became frustrated with me though I was just overwhelmed and fatigued.
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