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NVLD Bloggers

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NLD and Dating (Pros and Cons of Dating NTs), by Jennifer

By NVLD Bloggers

Have you ever had challenges with dating, finding a significant other, or being able to relate to your date due to a learning challenge? I have had all of those happen to me and still am. I’m in the process of online dating. I use the apps Coffee Meets Bagel and Hinge.

I like Coffee Meets Bagel because it was created by three women. It gives more power to the women on the dating app by only allowing the guy to chat with her if she likes him back. Also since it was founded by women it makes me feel safer and more appreciated when using it.

I like using Hinge too because it has different features like letting the user answer questions with their voice. I like this because then you can hear their voice before you meet them. I feel like you can tell a lot about someone by how they talk and listen to you when you’re talking to them.

For me, some of the challenges I experience when it comes to dating is knowing how to interact with a guy well over text when I do so much better at interacting with them in person. I don’t like virtual interaction like texting because I can’t tell what the tone of voice is behind the message. I don’t have the facial expression to try to help guide me either with how the conversation is going.
I’m a really good listener which is a good trait but sometimes it gets in my way because I listen too much and don’t talk enough. Or sometimes I talk too much and don’t listen enough. It’s hard for me to find a good happy medium between the two.

I find it’s easier for me to know when to let the other person talk if I haven’t heard them say something or ask something in return for what I was saying. This gives me a cue that I’ve bored them or been turning them off and maybe need to change the subject, or let them talk for a little while. Online dating can also be frustrating because sometimes the guy will abruptly stop talking to you for no reason at all. Or at least you don’t know the reason because they don’t tell you. I hate when guys do that because I appreciate it when a person tells me why they want to stop talking with me because then I can learn from my mistakes and hopefully not repeat them.

I’m okay with being blunt and direct when it comes to communicating with guys but that’s not always reciprocated. I have talked about ghosting (in episode 9 of year 2) and dating (in episode 6 of year 1) before on this podcast. I also have challenges with expressing what I want in a relationship because it’s taken me a long time to figure out what I want and it’s taking me a long time to find it. I know that I want someone who loves me, is honest, trustworthy, hardworking, protective but not overprotective, and understanding and compassionate.

I also know that I don’t want someone like my ex because he ruined my relationship with my family by making me a completely different person than I was before meeting him. I became too close-minded, and rebellious because I wanted to be independent so badly. I also became too focused on our relationship thus I neglected my relationship with my family and friends too much.

When I got out of that relationship it took a tremendous amount of work for me to change and shift my life around to where it is now. I love my life now and don’t want to do anything to jeopardize it again as I did with my ex and the con artist. I brought up those two examples because they demonstrate what you shouldn’t do, be with, and how you shouldn’t behave while dating or with a significant other. It’s not good to date someone who is toxic because they change who you are as a result of you wanting to be a different person when you’re with them.

It didn’t help me that my ex didn’t understand the weight that NLD, migraines, and sexual abuse had in my life. He didn’t really help me with them he let me live with those challenges, instead of asking me how to support me and understand them better.  I think he did this because he had schizophrenia and didn’t think that was a big deal, thus he thought the same about my NLD, migraines, and traumas. Those are big things in my life because they made me who I am today. I need someone who can support me when I’m sad and disappointed about my family being torn apart from the traumas and realizing that will never change.

I need someone to support me when I have a NLD meltdown because I recently had a car accident or made a terrible mistake again that I made in my life. I need someone who is with me when my head is about to explode and helps me feel better by trying to take my mind off it. I need someone who lets me have my dog with me and lets me be with my family and friends when I want to. I want someone who wants to be with my family and friends because I love them and they made me who I am today. I need someone who won’t change me into a terrible version of myself that lies and manipulates my family and friends. I need them to totally get me. I also want to be able to do these same things for them if they allow me to.

I’m sharing those things with you because maybe it will help you discover what you need in life from a significant other.

Jennifer

I am trying to online dating with NLD which is not an easy thing.

Life with NVLD, by Alexa

By NVLD Bloggers

As I’ve grown to learn over time, opening up about any diagnosis can be a difficult task for myself and others. Whenever I do open up about my non-verbal learning disorder with my peers, I feel I can best explain NVLD when I conclude; “it’s like if someone were about to give me a high five, I would instead awkwardly go in for a fist bump”… And that’s just about as far as I ever got to opening up about this diagnosis to my peers and colleagues until now.

Beknowing NVLD is more of a social disorder, I have been rest assured of why I may altogether opt out of social engagements or rather, choose to engage in social situations from a distance. Although it wasn’t until I started college that all of a sudden, I felt socially inadequate at best. And let me tell you, pursuing a career in the music industry? An industry where engagement is everything? Needless to say, it’s been a roller coaster of emotions I wasn’t prepared to conquer had I not taken the necessary steps to hone what coping skills I’ve been able to harness over the years.

Common symptoms I’ve learned to pay most attention to when interacting in and out of the workplace vary all over the place. For example, facial expressions, tones of voice, and body posture are all quite often misconstrued one way or another. Does someone look upset? Or are they just zoned out? It doesn’t matter what the case may be, I must’ve upset them. Is someone talking extremely loud? Well, they must be mad at me… it can’t be the fact they’re trying to talk over the really loud traffic… right? Oh yeah and jokes? Right over my head! Sarcasm? Yeah, I’ll never catch on as quickly as most…

From conversing about the same things over and over again to speaking on five different subjects at once, all the while assuming what you’re saying makes sense to others, but in fact, doesn’t make sense to anyone but you. Yep, that’s NVLD for ya! The struggle to initiate relationships while being an utter chatterbox, nauseating coworkers with trivial facts, asking too many questions, disrupting the flow of a conversation, or interrupting frequently, yeah, that my friend, is called a non-verbal learning disorder, and I would be speaking quite modestly if I didn’t express the heavyweight such symptoms bear to carry.

However, at the same time, do you know what a relief it is to pinpoint these symptoms and confidently conclude, yes, these are just symptoms of my non-verbal learning disorder? Rather than going on to spend your nights tossing

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NVLD (non-verbal learning disorder) and Neurotypical Communication, by Linda Karanzalis, MS, BCCS

By Experts Blog, NVLD Bloggers

As a professional with NVLD (Board Certified Cognitive Specialist) and former special education teacher, I offer you a different perspective from these vantage points.    Whether you’re a parent or an adult coping with NVLD, you’re all too familiar with often falling short of meeting the standards of neurotypicals (NT).  NT’s comprise the majority of the population whose brains typically function in the same way.  NVLD’ers are in the minority who think differently from NT’s, and thus are part of the neurodiverse (ND) population.  NT’s are often unaware when communicating with someone who is neurodivergent as there are no outward visible signs to the naked eye.  When ND’s fail to meet NT expectations they are often met with resistance. They are not privy to leeway, assistance, or courtesies that are extended to those with visible differences.   Read More

What is like to Overcome an NVLD, by Eileen

By NVLD Bloggers

One of the hardest things about overcoming an NVLD is that it is not unusual to be underestimated, given our deficits. These can include deficits in academics, social communication, motor skills, and processing speed making it easy to be underestimated at times. For me, personally, being underestimated triggered self-esteem issues. However, I was very appreciative of the adults who always believed in me. Read More

Navigating the Twice Exceptional Bind with NVLD, by Kristen

By NVLD Bloggers

At the beginning of my senior year in high school, I had a meeting with my AP English Language/Film Studies teacher. A brilliant lady, she was using her Ph.D to teach inner-city high school students. I was hoping her pedigrees from Tufts and University of Michigan would help slide me into a good college through a letter of recommendation.  Read More

Everyone Needs a Coach, by Eileen

By NVLD Bloggers

Growing up, one of my favorite parts of the school day was connecting with all of my coaches. Truthfully they were the adults who understood me the best, which allowed them to really connect with me. Having these strong relationships is why I strongly believe having a coach/athlete relationship is important for a student with an NVLD or similar disability. The reality is coaches support you in all aspects of life, and because athletics are in a more casual setting, these students can open up more to them.
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