To those growing up with an NVLD–
Growing up there were days I thought to myself why do I have an NVLD and my sister is gifted. So I totally understand if you are experiencing some very difficult moments. Truly the people I wrote about are only a fraction of people who be where I am today and I want you to understand “It Takes A Village To Raise A Child.”
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Think of your brain as a form of radio that aids in carrying a signal. If that radio isn’t working properly then you won’t be getting proper reception. The signal is still there but it’s just a bit fuzzy. This is an analogy for having NVLD, it doesn’t change who you are but it does change the way you process and relate to others. It has been extremely difficult throughout my life to properly convey myself.
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When your brain relies upon words as if they were a source of oxygen, it is particularly disconcerting when you cannot explain something. The discomfiture rises to the next level when that “something” tangibly influences your personality, social interactions, manner of processing, self-regulatory abilities, and morale. Yet, this robust but enigmatic “force” is invisible to others, and it often seems as if their quizzical expressions and exasperation offer the only evidence of their perception of its existence. Eager to connect, you return their expressions with a wistful smile, but must now painfully accept the reality that your objective has shifted from maintaining reciprocity to averting disaster. You channel all of your energy into repairing the communication breakdowns and dodging bullets, but are seized by the apprehension that any explanation would engender further confusion and nebulousness. You, therefore, endeavor to dismiss it and promptly move forward, but the vicious cycle has already begun. The more effort you exert to conceal these deficits, the tighter the chains become, the greater the anxiety and isolation, and the more you feel compelled to escape.
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As a result of having a nonverbal learning disability, I’ve often found myself more aware of strangers, their faces, and their voices during social interactions. What is a normal, subconscious part of daily life for most people is a skill that I needed to learn, starting at a young age. I spent years being coached on these by occupational therapists and counselors as a youth, and took multiple classes on nonverbal cues and displays of motion as a graduate student in education. Thus, I end up hyper-focusing on social situations, even when there is no reason to.
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When I think about teaching young adults with NVLD, I sometimes step into a situation that is fraught with past failure, misunderstanding, and frustration on the part of the client and his or her loved ones. We have to work skillfully to set the stage for change and growth, and to help a client’s family understand that their loved one is not hapless, or willfully failing at the goals they have set for themselves. Families of NVLD adults can feel hopeless to understand, and feel discouraged from extending further help to their loved one. It is as if a tough love approach, which I have not seen work for any learning disabled student of mine in 25 years of private practice, is a last ditch effort by frustrated and worried parents to force change upon the NVLD person. Sometimes, this tough love is experienced by the NVLD client as a withdrawal of support just when understanding is most needed.
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Throughout high school, it was extremely important to my parents that I had a sense of belonging and that I was included in as much as possible. To do this, I decided to continue my participation in track at the varsity level and joined the cross-country team for the fall. Truthfully, both were a challenge and in some ways, track was harder, as everyone had their own events(s).
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Resilience – merely defined as the ability to overcome difficulties, toughness. This word I learned from a very young age, and have frequently used and demonstrated for as long as I can remember. Allow me to explain. As many of you know I was diagnosed with a learning disorder which is called Non-Verbal Learning Disorder. This disorder becomes an instant obstacle manifesting itself in everyday life. Obstacles can be things such as places, especially parking lots, it can impact your life in ways such as struggling with homework, in school and in sports. Later as a young adult this would impact my professional careers as well, in ways I had never imagined.
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“I am not less than you. As long I give nothing less than my best effort, that will be enough.”
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During high school, being a runner was such an incredible experience. It gave me a purpose and identity. I wasn’t just the learning disabled and seizure kid, I was a runner and a teammate. However, I faced many obstacles along the way and at times it did seem hopeless, though thankfully I never gave into them.
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