Parents Blogs

After 15 years we are finally beginning to understand our son.

When he began elementary school things were fine. He was an extremely bright child. By the time he was in first grade he was reading chapter books and excelling in math and sports. It wasn’t until he started second grade when I began to see he was struggling socially.
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I was pretty sure something was different about him when he was very young. He had a funny walk and would fall a lot because he was fearless and would move too fast. He often seemed to be in his own head and I guess you could say he was quirky.

When he was a preschooler going in for a teeth cleaning, the hygienist was kept on her toes trying to clean his teeth because he was so active in his seat. By the third grade he could no longer be managed in a regular education setting! To be totally honest, I don’t think he was ever highly engaged in his preschool through second grade experience, but there were enough other distractions in those primary classrooms that his challenges could still be overlooked… or accommodated by teachers or volunteers.
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The excitement mixed with a little anxiety most parents experience during a child’s senior year in high school. Mine is anxiety and uncertainty.

Seven years ago it was suggested my son may have Asperger’s. A few years later it just developed that he was simply on the Autism Spectrum. This was all unraveling while working on my Master’s Degree in psychology. My formal education, the intimate knowledge of my own son, and a gut feel persistently gnawed at me. The diagnosis just didn’t seem right. The pieces of the puzzle didn’t fit.
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My son, age 27, has NVLD. I do not have a written diagnosis for his NVLD as when he had his complete neuropsychological testing in 1998 that term was not used. His test results showed verbal spatial discrepancy of greater than 30 and WISC scores ranging from 5 on visual spatial tasks to 16 on isolated verbal tasks. (I am not a professional psychologist so I’m using this terminology as an amateur.). He struggled to get through high school and never formally met the high school graduation foreign language and math requirements. He did not go to college. He has had several minimum wage type jobs in landscaping and marine activities. He has no comprehension of why he can only get minimum wage jobs as his diagnosis has never been explained to him. I feel this is definitly hindered by the lack of a DSM diagnosis of NVLD. My son quit his job last week, and announced he must get a college degree to be successful. I don’t even know where to start in addressing this issue with a twenty seven year old young man, who wants to believe he is as capable as the next person, who could not sit still long enough for me to pronounce the words visual spatial deficit, but who verbally and in many ways intellectually is a lovely, strong, handsome young man who is totally confused about the world and how to fit into it and I as a parent am at a lost to help him.
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It is assumed that every child must go to school in order to maximize their ability to learn and make friends. However, rules such as these do not include every type of child. For some children, especially those with a learning disability such as NVLD, school can be an incredibly stressful and emotional experience where no one really understands them or their needs. Indeed, this can quickly lead to social exclusion, bullying, and a lack of care from over worked teachers. If this sounds familiar, then it may be worth considering homeschooling your child. After all, you know how they tick more than anyone else.
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My daughter Lexus has Nonverbal Learning Disorder. The fight I have been facing is with our school districts and trying to make them understand what NVLD is. I have been fighting this battle since my daughter was in 1st grade and have been blown off and disrespected by many in the school system. People don’t understand how severe NVLD is to a child who goes to school and it’s time that Nonverbal Learning Disorder is a recognized learning disability.
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