In my previous piece discuss the importance of having similar expectations and goals for all of your children. Now I will continue sharing the importance of this. In addition I will discuss how things won’t be exactly the same unfortunately but the end results will be very similar such as achieving your true potential and being able to have personal connections. Yes, it may seem hard but I highly believe it will help reduce tension within your family life.
For example, my parents held my sister and me to the same standard: we both had to spend a certain amount of time on homework and projects. In addition we had to show our work to one of my parents so they could see we were doing it to the best of our abilities. Even though I required much more support it didn’t bother me as much as some people thought as my older sister wasn’t allowed to just breeze through it she was expected to put effort into her work too.It would have hurt more if our only requirement was to complete our work as my older sister would have been watching T.V. or hanging out with friends way before me as school was much easier for her. Instead our parents taught us that academics were a priority.
Next while in high school my parents had us both attend summer programs for academic enrichment as they highly valued new experiences and believed being away from home was great for personal growth. My sister attended two different three week summer programs, the Junior State of America at Georgetown University and the University of Virginia Science and Math enrichment summer program while I attended Eagle Hill School, a boarding school for students with learning disabilities which was for most of the summer. This surprised my support team as they thought being away from home would be too hard for me and I thought I should attend the school’s summer work program. However, they listened to my parents’ feelings and trusted our decision. Sure enough my parents were right as going to a summer program like Eagle Hill was an incredible experience for me, just like it was for my sister at the University of Virginia and Georgetown University.
Another example is we both had to join things during high school as my parents believe that this is how you form the best connections. This was very unusual for students with disabilities like me but my parents had witnessed similar students face serious isolation from not having the encouragement to join things and didn’t want me to have a similar experience. Yes it’s true my sister was able to join more activities given her natural leadership, musical and athletic abilities. However we both were three season athletes and were well respected by our coaches. In addition we were both incredibly active in the Key club and the Yearbook committee and had great relationships with the advisors. Having this encouragement helped me a great deal as the members of the activities were able to see the true me.
Most of all they made sure the both of us had the opportunity to go to a college that was a great fit for our academic abilities and our personal interests. They were fully aware that it would cost more for me as my potential schools give less aid but that didn’t matter. They truly believe you can’t put a price tag on completely new experiences. The hard part of this process was that we had to do the search to find a setting where students with learning disabilities succeed independently as my IEP team didn’t have a clue of all the different options. In the end it was great that everyone recognized and praised my parents for the wonderful job they did raising both a gifted and a disabled child. Having similar expectations when it comes to choosing college is especially important as you want each child to be happy and reach their maximum potential. Attending a college that aligns with your academic abilities and personal interests helps make this happen.
Overall it is so important to have similar goals for all of your children. Personally I look back and think if my parents didn’t place these similar goals and expectations for both my sister and myself I would have faced greater social isolation and self esteem issues. The reasons for this would have been I wouldn’t have challenged myself and wouldn’t have had any of my great experiences. So please have similar expectations and goals for all your children. While each of their results and experiences won’t be exactly the same, that’s ok, it will truly make everything easier within your family life. I know it did for mine.
Eileen
Eileen is a Project Social Ambassador and blogger for The NVLD Project. She loves helping others understand they can achieve their goals and dreams through hard work and dedication.
