Have you ever had challenges with dating, finding a significant other, or being able to relate to your date due to a learning challenge? I have had all of those happen to me and still am. I’m in the process of online dating. I use the apps Coffee Meets Bagel and Hinge.
I like Coffee Meets Bagel because it was created by three women. It gives more power to the women on the dating app by only allowing the guy to chat with her if she likes him back. Also since it was founded by women it makes me feel safer and more appreciated when using it.
I like using Hinge too because it has different features like letting the user answer questions with their voice. I like this because then you can hear their voice before you meet them. I feel like you can tell a lot about someone by how they talk and listen to you when you’re talking to them.
For me, some of the challenges I experience when it comes to dating is knowing how to interact with a guy well over text when I do so much better at interacting with them in person. I don’t like virtual interaction like texting because I can’t tell what the tone of voice is behind the message. I don’t have the facial expression to try to help guide me either with how the conversation is going.
I’m a really good listener which is a good trait but sometimes it gets in my way because I listen too much and don’t talk enough. Or sometimes I talk too much and don’t listen enough. It’s hard for me to find a good happy medium between the two.
I find it’s easier for me to know when to let the other person talk if I haven’t heard them say something or ask something in return for what I was saying. This gives me a cue that I’ve bored them or been turning them off and maybe need to change the subject, or let them talk for a little while. Online dating can also be frustrating because sometimes the guy will abruptly stop talking to you for no reason at all. Or at least you don’t know the reason because they don’t tell you. I hate when guys do that because I appreciate it when a person tells me why they want to stop talking with me because then I can learn from my mistakes and hopefully not repeat them.
I’m okay with being blunt and direct when it comes to communicating with guys but that’s not always reciprocated. I have talked about ghosting (in episode 9 of year 2) and dating (in episode 6 of year 1) before on this podcast. I also have challenges with expressing what I want in a relationship because it’s taken me a long time to figure out what I want and it’s taking me a long time to find it. I know that I want someone who loves me, is honest, trustworthy, hardworking, protective but not overprotective, and understanding and compassionate.
I also know that I don’t want someone like my ex because he ruined my relationship with my family by making me a completely different person than I was before meeting him. I became too close-minded, and rebellious because I wanted to be independent so badly. I also became too focused on our relationship thus I neglected my relationship with my family and friends too much.
When I got out of that relationship it took a tremendous amount of work for me to change and shift my life around to where it is now. I love my life now and don’t want to do anything to jeopardize it again as I did with my ex and the con artist. I brought up those two examples because they demonstrate what you shouldn’t do, be with, and how you shouldn’t behave while dating or with a significant other. It’s not good to date someone who is toxic because they change who you are as a result of you wanting to be a different person when you’re with them.
It didn’t help me that my ex didn’t understand the weight that NLD, migraines, and sexual abuse had in my life. He didn’t really help me with them he let me live with those challenges, instead of asking me how to support me and understand them better. I think he did this because he had schizophrenia and didn’t think that was a big deal, thus he thought the same about my NLD, migraines, and traumas. Those are big things in my life because they made me who I am today. I need someone who can support me when I’m sad and disappointed about my family being torn apart from the traumas and realizing that will never change.
I need someone to support me when I have a NLD meltdown because I recently had a car accident or made a terrible mistake again that I made in my life. I need someone who is with me when my head is about to explode and helps me feel better by trying to take my mind off it. I need someone who lets me have my dog with me and lets me be with my family and friends when I want to. I want someone who wants to be with my family and friends because I love them and they made me who I am today. I need someone who won’t change me into a terrible version of myself that lies and manipulates my family and friends. I need them to totally get me. I also want to be able to do these same things for them if they allow me to.
I’m sharing those things with you because maybe it will help you discover what you need in life from a significant other.
I am trying to online dating with NLD which is not an easy thing.