“I shouldn’t touch you too much, otherwise people might think we’re together.” I overheard somebody say that and reminded me that I have absolutely NO IDEA what it specifically means when people touch me. (Side note: is it supposed to mean anything or am I just overthinking it?) Anyways, it’s kind of an odd thing to say because people need physical contact to feel connected to each other, so why shouldn’t you touch me? Doesn’t it mean that you’ve achieved a level of comfortability around me? Isn’t that supposed to be a good thing? (Is there something you’re trying to tell me without actually saying anything?)
Because of my lack of understanding and not knowing peoples’ own personal preferences, I’m not usually a person that uses a lot of physical contact, but I tend to use it for one of two reasons: to get your attention, or to emphasize a point I’m trying to make, and that only comes after I let you break the touch barrier first. If only people knew that I’m actually kind of sensitive to being touched. It’s not that you shouldn’t, but if you don’t tell me you’re about to touch me or I don’t see it coming, I might just start on fire- not really, but if I don’t see it, it’s likely that I’ll jump a mile, or feel like if you gave me a marker I could draw where your hand was because now my arm is burning up.
I realized one day that there are people that think that because I’m touching them, it means I’m flirting with them, which is just not the case at all, so I’m sorry for the misunderstanding. Over time I’ve discovered that I’m more comfortable being back to back, shoulder to shoulder or if our legs are touching- I couldn’t tell you why, but it’s just easier- and it feels a lot less awkward than touching you with an open hand. I’m also pretty fond of the finger poke. Maybe it’s got something to do with nerve endings? One of my friends told me one time that it’s all flirting: smiling, touching, giving someone a compliment or just being polite, and in hindsight that statement just bothers me so much because does that mean I’m not allowed to be a happy person? Should I not say please and thank you when someone does something for me? It seems like the right thing to do. I thought manners were an important thing to have. If I like something you’re wearing, am I just supposed to keep that to myself? If you do a good job on something, am I supposed to stay silent? Also, why is it ok to say all those things to a guy, but if I say that to a girl I’m flirting with her? That seems a little bit of a double standard to me. Sometimes a compliment is just a compliment, and people need to be nicer to each other anyways.
This post highlights one of the biggest struggles I have with NLD. I’m trying to be more active about getting into a relationship, but life is busy and dating is so much harder in the digital age when I can’t even see your face to give myself a chance at trying to figure it out.