Fear of Failure, by Benjamin

By July 25, 2019 November 12th, 2019 NVLD Bloggers

Hi!! Everyone, my name is Benjamin. I live in Washington State. I just recently heard about NLVD, and when my wife brought it to my attention and I read about it. I almost wanted to break down. I am 38 and have spent most of my adult life, in service to our country. I joined the military at the age of 17. I started out as a Marine Reservist, so I could go to college because it was super important to my parents, and I didn’t wanna let them down. The problem was that I always had struggled in school.

I first noticed something was different when I was in 2nd & 3rd grade. I went to a Catholic school, and I was being called out of class, to learn math and English from another nun in the supply closet because, there wasn’t anywhere for us to go. We as society we’re starting to figure out what learning disabilities we’re in the 80’s. ADD & ADHD wasn’t a thing yet let alone NLVD. My friends would ask “Ben when we have to do math, where do you go?” Or sometimes I’d have to stay in for recess, if I wasn’t understanding a concept. All that carried over, until I left that school for a public school, and was in Special Ed for parts of the day.

I remember speaking with a evaluator when I was young but I didn’t know why. My parents never told me what was wrong. It was you just think differently. Well what the hell does that mean? In high school I struggled with academics. Yet some how I was able to hold a C-B average. I played sports in school, I wrestled because I could understand it. It was me against another person. I tried out for basketball when I was in middle school, but I would get so confused how to run the plays. They just didn’t make sense. I’d always forget where I was supposed to be.

As an adult I quit college and made a career in the military. I got so far until it became if you wanna promote you need schooling. Well that was the one thing I struggled with so I guess I’m out. I still struggled with a lot of different things, like cardinal directions. I find myself getting easily disoriented if I’m in a unfamiliar setting. Unless I have a GPS. I have noticed with GPS, I can actually learn from it, how to get to places. Then I don’t need to use it. Other things like reading and understand what I just ready is still hard. I am a cop and what I struggle with is, listening to someone’s story, and trying to comprehend what they have going on. I feel like in my mind it’s a puzzle and I have to keep asking questions, over and over to get my pieces so I can make them fit. To understand.

So that is my story!!! If there is anyone in Western Washington that know of  someone or somewhere I can get tested please email me. I have been trying to find someone but haven’t been able to.


I am originally from Bristol, CT.  I am married to my wife Katie for the past 12 years and we have one daughter Madison who is 9. We are a former military couple. We have lived in afew different places, but came to Washington state and fell in love with it. So we decided to call it home.

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