NVLD Bloggers

It is 1am on a Saturday night, I can’t sleep and I have re-runs of The Office playing in the background to help ease the crisp silence of my dark room and dull the chatter in my mind.

As I sit here writing this post, I am hours into sobering up from what I finally started calling my “meltdowns.”
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Hi!! Everyone, my name is Benjamin. I live in Washington State. I just recently heard about NLVD, and when my wife brought it to my attention and I read about it. I almost wanted to break down. I am 38 and have spent most of my adult life, in service to our country. I joined the military at the age of 17. I started out as a Marine Reservist, so I could go to college because it was super important to my parents, and I didn’t wanna let them down. The problem was that I always had struggled in school.
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Its 1 AM and I just found out that my ex unfriended me. For nearly six years I was romantically involved with someone who saw me in a way I had trouble seeing myself. I was able to be myself around this person and I hardly ever had a melt down around them. *But when he wasn’t around boy did, he hear about it* Patience was not necessarily his strong suit, and neither is mine. But when it came to us as a “we.” We waited too long. We dated for 3 years the last 3 we were cuddle buddies/friends who sometimes go on dates. He was my best friend. He knew things about me I would never in a million years tell anyone else, not even my dog.
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Throughout my childhood, Non Verbal Learning Disability (hereafter abbreviated to NVLD) masked my potential inside and outside of the classroom. I was diagnosed nearly a year ago, just after my 23rd birthday. But the signs have been there for as long as I can remember. I started reading around my 2nd birthday- the same time I started walking. I can’t ride a bike (much to the chagrin of several occupational therapists). I’ve always been extroverted but I struggle making and maintaining friends. Using scissors, driving across my city, opening a cabinet, tying my shoelaces, walking on the treadmill, multitasking as I talk with on the phone: these are all experiences that I find to be extremely frustrating and even stressful. New places, planning lessons, or novel experiences that should be fun lead me to break out in an anxious sweat. And math? I still struggle with basic multiplication. I mix up numbers frequently. I miscount ALL of the time. It’s like the part of my brain that’s supposed to do “math things” just simply does not exist. Every test I have taken has placed me in the lowest percentile possible. Yet I’m stuck in a world where 95% of the people around me is conversing in a language that I was never programmed to take part in. Unable to catch up with my peers, I floundered for years.
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Summer 2004.

I was ten years old when I picked up a guitar for the first time. I named her Gloria. I started taking lessons months later, in fifth grade.

I wasn’t diagnosed with NVLD until I was 14. But back then, it was known that I had some struggles with my fine motor skills. After practicing guitar though, transitioning between chords soon became effortless.
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“I shouldn’t touch you too much, otherwise people might think we’re together.” I overheard somebody say that and reminded me that I have absolutely NO IDEA what it specifically means when people touch me. (Side note: is it supposed to mean anything or am I just overthinking it?) Anyways, it’s kind of an odd thing to say because people need physical contact to feel connected to each other, so why shouldn’t you touch me? Doesn’t it mean that you’ve achieved a level of comfortability around me? Isn’t that supposed to be a good thing? (Is there something you’re  trying to tell me without actually saying anything?)
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I am a 68-year-old who was diagnosed with NLD at the age of 49. The diagnosis mostly was a relief to me as it gave a coherence to a matrix of life-time cognitive, physical and social challenges. These challenges, when balanced against a desire to achieve richer social relationships and  greater career accomplishments, made for a life-time struggle with self-esteem. Only recently, have I fully realized that I have achieved quite a lot in life despite my NLD  disability.
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Turning sixteen is an important milestone for most teenagers. However, when you’re a teenager with a Non-verbal learning disability, the excitement becomes a shameful embarrassment. As soon as I turned sixteen, my parents were quick to enroll me into driver’s education. I mean, that’s what most teenagers are expected to do right ? Initially, I was excited as maybe this would finally be my chance to “be like the rest of my friends.” The fireworks and excitement quickly drifted away after my first in-car lesson.
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