Throughout my life, I have struggled to make friends. I can remember, as early as three years old, approaching adults rather than kids my own age out of fear of rejection. This worry has permeated my entire life.
I yearned for companionship, often feeling alone and isolated. In my mid-twenties, I attended a few events, but no friendships came from them. A couple of months after I turned 33, I made a decision: I wasn’t going to be lonely anymore.
One night, I was perusing the Internet and stumbled upon a social group that appealed to me. A few days later, I completed the required application, in which I described the types of people I could connect with. Specifically, as someone with NVLD, I stated my preference for a group with other neurodiverse individuals.
The first event I attended was a hot yoga class. I met with the four other group members for dinner at a restaurant. During dinner, I found it difficult to participate in their discussion, as I felt my peers were judging me as peculiar. This concern persisted throughout the evening.
After yoga, two of the girls were walking together, which made me feel ostracized. I could not help but ruminate over the thought that they were deliberately excluding me. I wondered if there was something wrong with me – why were the others paired off while I was alone? Why didn’t they want to get to know me? Rather than capitulating to this destructive thinking pattern, I reassured myself that the other participants were just as nervous. So, instead of waiting for my peers to come to me, I decided to take the initiative.
I approached the two girls and joined their conversation. To my astonishment, they welcomed me. Their inviting nature contrasted with my apprehensions that my peers were willfully shunning me. I ascertained that I was in a safe and accepting group.
This newfound realization imbued me with the courage to talk to one of the girls. After conversing with her, despite much hesitation and nagging fears to do otherwise, I asked her to hang out. Ever since then, we have been spending time together and are becoming great friends.
Remaining in my shell would have secluded me from my peers, confining me to the same forlorn existence I so desired to escape. Instead, I emerged proud that I defied my fears and took a chance on myself.
If you are reading this post and relate to my experience, I hope you take a chance on yourself. You are worth it!
Ariel
My name is Ariel, and I am a Project Social Ambassador.
