I was diagnosed with NVLD at a young age but did not know what that was tell I got older and began to look things up about it. I do not remember it affecting me too much tell I got a little bit older. I do remember my anxiety was what I struggled with most at a young age. I remember that I had anxiety almost everyday and would come home crying. It took me a few years to finally find medication that worked on me.
As I got older (late elementary school to middle school) was when my NVLD really began to affect me. I was severely bullied because I was quirky, different, and I did not really stand up for myself because I was too scared. I was found as an easy target. In middle school was really the peck of my bullying, where people called me all kinds of names, kicked me, slammed doors in my face, threw me in trash cans, and told me I should not be alive. I became chronically lonely and depression set in that would last me several years. I would even have days where I would be so sad and upset and not even know why because I could not understand emotions in myself well and did not know how to regulate them well (I still have days like this now but not as often). My NVLD made it hard for me to understand that even though they are my friends and began to bully me I should leave them. I only thought that they are my friends, you can’t leave them. As I got older I began to realize that I needed to make new friends but was too scared because I knew how hard that was going to be for me and was scared of being lonely.
I am now a freshman in college. Moving to a new city made it hard for me as my NVLD makes change hard for me and I became lonely learning how to live on my own for the first time. During my first few months of college was where I found my partner. They slowly became my only friend as I still struggle even now to make friends. They would invite me to hang out with them and their friends but struggled to interact and just felt off because they did not really know me or maybe I was misinterpreting it because of my NVLD. I became sad as I was missing home, having a hard time adjusting to college life and living on my own and just seeing my partner having a little bit of a better time than me. We recently broke up because of our mental health and not being ready to be in a relationship.
As of now things are getting a bit better as I am more adjusted being almost done with year one. Still lonely with no friends and like I said before my partner was my only friend and now we are broken up. But I am forcing myself to branch out and go to events even if they are uncomfortable for me. I am finally starting to be a bit more happy, more than I have been in the past few years.
Kaitlyn
My name is Kaitlyn , I am a college student majoring in Kinesiology. I am here to share my story and experiences so if someone has a similar experience or story they know they are not alone.
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