Growing up with an older sister who excelled in everything and held multiple leadership roles such as being a class officer made me inspired to overcome as much as I could as I wanted to be able to have some of the same experiences she did. This was largely influenced by our parents placing a strong value on us to always do our best and to be connected within our school and community, yet we’re fully aware that our overall results would be different. So in this piece I will discuss the importance of having similar expectations and goals for all of your children. While it may seem hard it will help reduce tension within your family life.
First example was I joined ice skating at 5 years old as that was what my sister did in the winter then as there wasn’t any girls basketball until 3rd grade then. Right away my parents knew having me join despite my gross motor skill deficits was the right move as my sister, myself and other friends of ours were in the same group. However my parents didn’t just sign me up, they also spoke to our instructor ahead of the time about my disability. As a result the instructor created different season goals for me than she had for the others but yet I still needed to be respectful to all. It truly was a great start for me to be able to build connections.
Next, my parents enrolled me in church school and their youth group. It wasn’t unusual for individuals with disabilities like mine and other developmental disabilities to not choose to enroll, however my parents thought it would be good for me given how we went to church as a family weekly and had a number of great friends who did as well. Being part of this allowed me to see all families have their own challenges through the church events. In addition a lot of great kids connected with me at an early age and many became friends. If I hadn’t been involved with this like my old sister was I wouldn’t have understood the importance of helping others and that many people have their own challenges. too.
Also my parents encouraged academic development at a very early age so my sister and I did academic related programs during our elementary summers. Yes, our programs were completely different as my sister went to enrichment programs and I went to summer school for academic and social skill building to keep working through my disabilities. While they were different they shared the same mission which was to help us grow academically and personally through summer learning opportunities. My parents believed this experience would help us later on to understand that they expected us to do our best and to take advantage of programs that help us reach our maximum potential. Regardless of how strong or weak of a student you are, you can always do a little better by taking advantage of everything that is available to you.
Families appear to just have only the child with disabilities attend academic summer programs due to their disability while the other child has the summer off. While this seems like it is the right decision it often leads to emotional difficulties such as meltdowns when it is time to go to their summer program especially during primary years as those with an NVLD and other learning disabilities often aren’t able to understand their disability yet which can lead to getting upset when their non-disabled sibling (s) and friends are enjoying traditional summer fun. This can cause severe frustration and make them feel different from others at an early age. This would have been the case for me if my parents hadn’t encouraged academic growth early on for both myself and my sister. While I was in my summer program my sister was attending various programs in our community. Yet by late elementary school I understood my summer experiences were going to be different from my older sisters and my non-disabled friends.
To wrap up Part A, it is so important to have similar expectations for both your child with and without disabilities as it can have a negative effect on both kids if you don’t. Given how the non-learning disabled and learning disabled child can focus too much on their differences. This being said it is also important to understand their results and experiences will have some differences. Expecting too much out of the child with the disability and too little out of the non-disabled child causes some negatives too. So always highly encourage both your learning disabled and non-learning disabled child to do their best and to join activities. Doing this will make things easier in the long run.
Eileen
Eileen is a Project Social Ambassador and blogger for The NVLD Project. She loves helping others understand they can achieve their goals and dreams through hard work and dedication.
