Think of your brain as a form of radio that aids in carrying a signal. If that radio isn’t working properly then you won’t be getting proper reception. The signal is still there but it’s just a bit fuzzy. This is an analogy for having NVLD, it doesn’t change who you are but it does change the way you process and relate to others. It has been extremely difficult throughout my life to properly convey myself.
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When your brain relies upon words as if they were a source of oxygen, it is particularly disconcerting when you cannot explain something. The discomfiture rises to the next level when that “something” tangibly influences your personality, social interactions, manner of processing, self-regulatory abilities, and morale. Yet, this robust but enigmatic “force” is invisible to others, and it often seems as if their quizzical expressions and exasperation offer the only evidence of their perception of its existence. Eager to connect, you return their expressions with a wistful smile, but must now painfully accept the reality that your objective has shifted from maintaining reciprocity to averting disaster. You channel all of your energy into repairing the communication breakdowns and dodging bullets, but are seized by the apprehension that any explanation would engender further confusion and nebulousness. You, therefore, endeavor to dismiss it and promptly move forward, but the vicious cycle has already begun. The more effort you exert to conceal these deficits, the tighter the chains become, the greater the anxiety and isolation, and the more you feel compelled to escape.
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As a result of having a nonverbal learning disability, I’ve often found myself more aware of strangers, their faces, and their voices during social interactions. What is a normal, subconscious part of daily life for most people is a skill that I needed to learn, starting at a young age. I spent years being coached on these by occupational therapists and counselors as a youth, and took multiple classes on nonverbal cues and displays of motion as a graduate student in education. Thus, I end up hyper-focusing on social situations, even when there is no reason to.
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Throughout high school, it was extremely important to my parents that I had a sense of belonging and that I was included in as much as possible. To do this, I decided to continue my participation in track at the varsity level and joined the cross-country team for the fall. Truthfully, both were a challenge and in some ways, track was harder, as everyone had their own events(s).
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Resilience – merely defined as the ability to overcome difficulties, toughness. This word I learned from a very young age, and have frequently used and demonstrated for as long as I can remember. Allow me to explain. As many of you know I was diagnosed with a learning disorder which is called Non-Verbal Learning Disorder. This disorder becomes an instant obstacle manifesting itself in everyday life. Obstacles can be things such as places, especially parking lots, it can impact your life in ways such as struggling with homework, in school and in sports. Later as a young adult this would impact my professional careers as well, in ways I had never imagined.
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During high school, being a runner was such an incredible experience. It gave me a purpose and identity. I wasn’t just the learning disabled and seizure kid, I was a runner and a teammate. However, I faced many obstacles along the way and at times it did seem hopeless, though thankfully I never gave into them.
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As the new school year begins families with seniors with an NVLD are often faced with many difficult decisions as they consider which college(s) to apply to as college is expensive. Go to a community college that is cheaper but you will be mostly on your own when it comes to receiving support services or be willing to go to a college that has a comprehensive support programs that assists those on campus who have a disability? While there is no right or wrong answer there are things to consider.
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I recently joined The NVLD Project and it has allowed me to reflect on my past. The NVLD Project is an organization centered around bringing awareness and understanding to this hard to define disorder. I was diagnosed around 6 years old with a Non-Verbal Learning Disorder. The diagnosis was something intertwined in my sense of self. My earliest memories are at occupational and physical therapy. There, I would have to hold a fork and knife correctly to eat an Eggo waffle or I have to pick up pennies split on the floor one by one. To most this just seemed like a tedious task but to me it was Hell. I wanted to eat the waffle my way, with my hands.
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I’m writing this blog hours after jumping on a backyard trampoline while singing “Defying Gravity.” The adrenaline was rushing through me and I was out of breath. Afterwards, I couldn’t stop smiling and I felt so refreshed. I realized that I love doing activities that make me feel, as they say, “like a kid again.” I love anything that involves climbing, especially trees (read my first Ambassador blog). I love being on the swings in the playground, too. Deep down, I’ve always been this way. There are activities I can do now that I couldn’t when I was younger, simply because I often had no time.
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